Emptying out the closets

For the past 12 years, I've waited until the week before the packers come to clean out my closets.  Waiting until the last minute has resulted in me toting around 12 years worth of detrius, because I would expend all of my energy on one closet and then promise myself I'd be better at the next house.  Yeah.  That explains why I still have my daughter's supply list from three schools ago, old grade books, and who knows how many linked-together paper clips shoved into the bottom drawer of my desk.  I can assure you that drawer hasn't been cleaned out since Florida (and Florida was what, 2005?)  and it had the dust to prove it.

This time, it's going to be different.  We really are embarking on a whole new chapter of our lives, and I don't want to be dragging the same old junk to our new home. You know, the "clean slate" and all.  Therefore, I've decided to throughly clean and  declutter one room a month--I figure that within the next six months I can handle that.  Today I did my desk/computer area, and although it was rewarding, it was also a little sad.  That bunch of linked-together paper clips?  I did that one afternoon when I was still teaching; it was sixth period and I was on my fifth showing of "The Outsiders", totally and completely bored.  I linked two boxes of paper clips together while sitting at my desk, and when the time came to clean out said desk, I dumped the chain into a small container along with other random desk things.  That container went straight into my desk at home, never to be touched again until today.  When I lifted that chain out, all those memories came flooding back--the smell of my portable classroom, the noise of the air conditioners, the rows of desks laid out in front of me.  Suddenly I so wanted to be back there, back in May of 2005, back when things were different and easier and I didn't have to worry about jobs and salaries and braces and everything else that this retirement is bringing.

I put the paper clips back into the desk drawer--but I did throw away that supply list!

That old Veruca feeling

I know that it's a charmed life I lead--good kids, good husband,  living parents--but there are times when I want more.  Not only do I want more, but I want it now!  Express shipping, get it tomorrow, NOW NOW NOW!

That Kindle in my shopping basket is calling to me, singing a sweet melody that only I can hear.  I've been trying so hard to ignore it, to use my common sense and better judgement (surely there are other things I could spend this  $300 on; hey, how about SAVING it?) but the song still keeps running through my head.

I'm going to obsess on this until I give in and click the button.  Sure, I'll feel guilty and ashamed once my credit card bill comes in, but at least I'll have what I want--for now.  I've been doing so good for the past year or so and haven't given in to these wants, but lately it's become harder and harder.  We've got the money, but with retirement/moving coming up, we're really trying to curb spending and pay off everything.  Knowing that doesn't change my need, though.  In some ways it even makes my urge to spend even stronger, which then cycles my guilt, which leads back to spending.

I'll just bookmark that Kindle for now.

I think.

Six Months Out

We are six months out from my husband's retirement from the Navy.  Well, six months from when he starts terminal leave; six months out from our new life.

It scares the stuffing out of me, to be honest.  There are so many unknowns with this process and just as many scary stories as there are successful.  I don't think he will have a problem finding a job, but what if he does?  We aren't in a position to have him completely retire--he's got to go immediately into another 20 year career in order for us to be comfortable.

I'm trying not to wish this time away...but I do wish it would pass.